I dont want this!!

kalelsproudmama · **Joined:** Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:54 pm **Posts:** 29

Ok I can't do this ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!

I miss him so much. It just isnt fair! It isnt right and I am pissed about it!!!! My son, my beautiful happy, very much loved son should be here with me! I don't care if I am selfish. I don't care that it was in the plan.!!!!!!
Fine if I can't have him back here with me, why haven't you taken me yet??? Why did you leave me here to pick up all these pieces and endure this awful pain!!! Why did you create this pain in the first place! Lord I an sorry I am so angry with you. But I dont have anyone else to take it out on!

I really can not believe this has happened, why can't this just be a dream! OKAY I promise I have learned my lesson!!!! I just want to be near him so bad! To hear his little breaths while he sleeps. To watch him play in the snow with his brothers. See his face on Christmas when he opens up his presents. I wanna see him get excited as he sits on Santas lap. DAMN IT I WANT HIM IN OUR FAMILY PICTURES!

This isnt fair for any of us! I am not ready for this. I am not ready to keep doing this. I dont know if I can take much more of this. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and cry and throw a tantrum until I get my way.

Im sorry everyone this is obviously not a very happy holiday

MissingMyMelody&Mommy · **Posted:** Sat Dec 08, 2007 2:19 am

I completely understand what you are going through. No, it's not fair but it's something we are all going through and that we can help each other through. I'm so sorry he's not here with you. I wish I could just give you a big hug and I'd let you scream and cry all you wanted.

I understand that you are pissed about it too. I want Melody in our family pictures too, as we all do. I wish there was something I could do or say to make things different for you but there isn't. This is our new life, our new reality. I just want you to know we are here for you and you can talk to us anytime!

Sending lots of hugs, love and prayers for gentler days to you

Love,
Crystal

JANE_E · **Posted:** Sat Dec 08, 2007 2:59 am

Latrisha,

My heart feels every single word you wrote............. it's like your words are stamped on my soul. Yes, we all want Kalel back in your arms where he should be....... of course he should be tucked in his own bed, with fresh kisses still on his cheeks..........

Why, oh God why isn't he? How can this be ok? What is the purpose of this loss, of any loss?

I believe dear GOD, if you would help us to understand, it would ease our heart. Loss of a child lacks all understanding. We become like animals.........crying out in our sadness and our pain.

Where are our children? I wish life wasn't so painful........... it's become unbearable. Kalel should be with his mother, rocked to sleep, tucked in bed and loved beyond reason.

Latrisha, I know the days are becoming unbearable for you now. Please, please know that your tears are not the only ones falling........... mine could drown us both right now. I ask God to send something, anything to help you get through this..........

Love and prayers for you

jane

Barbara · **Posted:** Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:26 am

Latrisha,
I understand how you feel and my my heartbreaks for you.Our Angels should be here with us. I know this just isn't fair.
This time of year makes everything so much more difficult.Kalel should be right there with his mommy tucked in his own bed. I wish there was something I could do or say to make all your pain go away.
I will be sendind up extra prayers for God to ease the pain you feel in someway.
I love you and {{{{{{{Latrisha}}}}}
Barbara

Cindy · **Posted:** Sat Dec 08, 2007 12:27 pm

Oh Latrisha, I'm so sorry. You have every right to be so upset. It isn't right that we have to be without our children. It just messes everything up. If I could give your sweet Kalel back to you I would in a heartbeat.
You're not being selfish, you're being a mommy that loves and misses her baby boy. That's not called selfish, it's called love. And it's going to hurt much because you love much. There's no other way.
I don't believe at all that you are just being taught a lesson. If that were true then we have all learned our lesson and we would all have our children back.
Your sweet babies angledate is coming soon and it's bringing with it so many more horrible emotions and I know it's so overwhelming. I'm just so sorry. I don't understand why it has to be this way and I won't pretend I do. I don't have the answers but I can and will keep lifting you in prayer.
Love and hugs, Cindy

Cece · **Posted:** Sat Dec 08, 2007 4:13 pm

Latrisha, My heart aches for you and the rest of us. We should not have to be going through this. It changes us. We are different than we were. Everyday we are covered by a blanket of sadness that affects everything we do. It is OK to be mad at God. He understands. I love you. Many (((HUGS))), Mama Lucy

I dont want this!!

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