Stupidest Comments/Things people have done

MissingMyMelody&Mommy · **Posted:** Sun Dec 09, 2007 4:32 am

since you lost your child.

I love this topic because it is really amazing how IGNORANT people truly are that haven't lost a child.

I've heard most of what everyone else has. The standard God ones and how she is in a better place (HELLO being here with her parents and siblings wasn't all that horrible!!)

I hate how much people "admire" my strength (EXCUSE ME, I'd rather have Melody here and be WEAK!!!)

My favorite is the one from my alcoholic aunt though: She calls me up, drunk as usual, and makes small talk about how we are etc etc. Then goes on to tell me how "She hated me and blamed me for Melody dying and that she felt like it was my fault for a long time because *I* wasn't in the bathroom with her (even tho I left her dad in there with her & Landon) but that she didn't hate me or blame me anymore that it was just God's plan for Melody" (Well thanks a freakin' lot for not hating me or blaming me you dumb@ss alcoholic! Did you actually think I CARED what YOU thought or felt in that incompetent mind or body of yours?!?!)

I'd love for you all to share your own stories of stupid comments and/or things people have done since you have lost your child.

Love,
Crystal

momma to3 boys · **Joined:** Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:34 pm **Posts:** 171

I THINK THE WORST 1 CAME FROM MY HUSBANDS OLDER SISTER WHEN SHE SAID SNAP OUT OF IT ITS BEEN 4 MONTHS,YOU HAVE OTHER CHILDREN,WE NEED YOU ALL TO RUN OUR ERRANDS

MissingMyMelody&Mommy · **Posted:** Sun Dec 09, 2007 8:53 pm

OMG Carla, that is unbelievable! I think I would snap someone's neck that told me to snap out of it....GRRRR Sending lots of love to you sweetie!

Love,
Crystal

Lynda · **Posted:** Sun Dec 09, 2007 10:45 pm

Dear Crystal & Carla,
I am so sorry to read about the arrogance of others...it is so sad and so very real, these comments. I have heard the usual...I guess one of the hardest things for me is when people would tell me I had other children to take care of, as if I didn't know or care about them. I wish people wouldn't put a time limit on grief because this is going to take a life time to heal. I will never be who I was but I will ALWAYS love and care for my children the best that I can at the moment, whether it is a bad moment or a gentler moment, I will always love and care for them.
I am sure I will think of actual comments that have been said and share them later.
Hugs,
Lynda

larceneaux · **Joined:** Mon Aug 27, 2007 10:39 pm **Posts:** 26

Well...Tyler died on Good Friday 2005...3/25/2005. For Thanksgiving 2005, my sister-in-law, who thinks that you need to get together for holidays. But during the year we do not hear from her....called to invite us to Thanksgiving. I told her that we would go (because I have another child who I feel like we need to continue doing family rituals for)
but that I hated the thought of the holidays and started crying...Do you know what she had the nerve to say!!!! OH I FORGOT.

I will never forget that one.

JANE_E · **Posted:** Wed Dec 12, 2007 4:27 am

The thing that worries me the most is remembering back.......... was I ever that insensitive? Oh Dear God, I hope not..........

I wonder if I truly felt the pain and worried and thought about others when they lost a child, did I hang in there for them? That scares me..........

love, hugs, prayers,
jane

Cindy · **Posted:** Wed Dec 12, 2007 10:50 am

I thought I'd share my Grief/Share e-mail with you here. It goes with this topic so well. And Jane...I think we're all guilty of that to some point but all we need to do is learn from our mistakes and try to be understanding.
Love, Cindy

Don't Rush Me
Day 22

Sometimes other people try to help you get out of your grief by offering advice or "constructive criticism." They may admonish you to "get over it" or to "get back into life." These comments can hurt.

Remember, you have an insight into the grieving process that these people do not have. You know that the length of the grieving process is different for each person. You know you have to let the grieving process take place, because if you try to rush it, you will only prolong the healing.

"So many people will say: 'Well, it's been six months. Don't you think you should be over it by now?' But for each person it's different, and to say those things is very hurtful because maybe that person isn't ready," says Emy, a widow.

You cannot rely on other people to say the right words and provide the right comfort, but you can rely on God.

Job's "friends" condemned him and did not understand his grief. "Then Job replied: 'I have heard many things like these; miserable comforters are you all!'" (Job 16:1-2).

Father God, I know that my friends and family mean well, but they just don't understand that I am not there yet. Help me to know when I am. Holy Spirit, You are my Comforter. In You alone will I find refuge. Amen.

momma to3 boys · **Joined:** Fri Aug 31, 2007 2:34 pm **Posts:** 171

Cindy,thank you sooooooooooooooooo much,this scripture says it all.I will hang on to it

Stupidest Comments/Things people have done

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